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What a waste of Alan Cumming!
Warning - contains a review far longer than this film actually deserves. I just hope you find it funnier than I did the movie...
When we decided to watch Burlesque this weekend, I was expecting a certain amount of camp. What we got was a certain amount of awful. And not even funny-awful.
Here, let me share my pain with you:
By any definition or in any era, I'm really not sure what the performances in this film have to do with actual burlesque. They largely seem to have been lifted from Chicago and cobbled together with bits of A Chorus Line and Moulin Rouge via a vague "plot" (a la CATS - the loose plot bits, I mean, not the dance numbers). There is one Christina Aguilerra number with ostrich fans and striptease that might possibly qualify as an American burlesque routine, and another with Alan Cumming that might just be a reprisal of his role as the Emcee in Cabaret...hard to tell, since he doesn't even get a feature performance.
And then - the plot, such as it is, reads like a kinder, gentler version of Showgirls. NOT EVEN KIDDING. There's the plucky young girl who wants to make it in the big city as a performer, the older female mentor, the envious older female rival, the potential (engaged to someone else) love interest with talent of his own, even the sleazy older businessman who takes an interest in our plucky heroines "career". Throw in Alan Cumming as the doorman, Stanly Tucci in yet another "gay best friend/fairy godmother" role, and the ambiguous financial threat of Cher's club owner possibly losing her beloved and wholesome burlesque (not really) club (which is always FULL of people, so how are they losing money anyway?)to development and there's at least some potential for drama, right? However silly.
Except... after all the build up: Club in jeopardy, mentor and rival falling out over rival drinking herself into an early grave and the rise of our plucky heroine to star billing, love interest's supposed ex-fiance returning home unexpectedly, sleazy businessman making his moves...nothing happens. That's right - nothing. The club doesn't burn down, the Rival fails to die in a drunken car crash AND makes up with Mentor, Plucky doesn't sleep with the wrong man AND manages to come up with a miraculous financial way to save the club, the Gay Best Friend finds love with a DJ, and Love Interest Boy finally finishes a song for Plucky to sing as the films final number...ummmm, what? *shakes head*
To give it one marginally bright note: Since I like Cher quite a bit more than she actually deserves, I will admit that I did enjoy her opening song, "Welcome to Burlesque". But then, I'm also a big fan of "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves", so make of that what you will.
To sum up - this was not the worst film I have ever seen, but I really kind of want those 90 minutes of my life back. And what a waste of Alan Cumming.
When we decided to watch Burlesque this weekend, I was expecting a certain amount of camp. What we got was a certain amount of awful. And not even funny-awful.
Here, let me share my pain with you:
By any definition or in any era, I'm really not sure what the performances in this film have to do with actual burlesque. They largely seem to have been lifted from Chicago and cobbled together with bits of A Chorus Line and Moulin Rouge via a vague "plot" (a la CATS - the loose plot bits, I mean, not the dance numbers). There is one Christina Aguilerra number with ostrich fans and striptease that might possibly qualify as an American burlesque routine, and another with Alan Cumming that might just be a reprisal of his role as the Emcee in Cabaret...hard to tell, since he doesn't even get a feature performance.
And then - the plot, such as it is, reads like a kinder, gentler version of Showgirls. NOT EVEN KIDDING. There's the plucky young girl who wants to make it in the big city as a performer, the older female mentor, the envious older female rival, the potential (engaged to someone else) love interest with talent of his own, even the sleazy older businessman who takes an interest in our plucky heroines "career". Throw in Alan Cumming as the doorman, Stanly Tucci in yet another "gay best friend/fairy godmother" role, and the ambiguous financial threat of Cher's club owner possibly losing her beloved and wholesome burlesque (not really) club (which is always FULL of people, so how are they losing money anyway?)to development and there's at least some potential for drama, right? However silly.
Except... after all the build up: Club in jeopardy, mentor and rival falling out over rival drinking herself into an early grave and the rise of our plucky heroine to star billing, love interest's supposed ex-fiance returning home unexpectedly, sleazy businessman making his moves...nothing happens. That's right - nothing. The club doesn't burn down, the Rival fails to die in a drunken car crash AND makes up with Mentor, Plucky doesn't sleep with the wrong man AND manages to come up with a miraculous financial way to save the club, the Gay Best Friend finds love with a DJ, and Love Interest Boy finally finishes a song for Plucky to sing as the films final number...ummmm, what? *shakes head*
To give it one marginally bright note: Since I like Cher quite a bit more than she actually deserves, I will admit that I did enjoy her opening song, "Welcome to Burlesque". But then, I'm also a big fan of "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves", so make of that what you will.
To sum up - this was not the worst film I have ever seen, but I really kind of want those 90 minutes of my life back. And what a waste of Alan Cumming.