lhskarka: (Wonder Woman)
But I am working on it.

I decided to finish up the sample stuff I had started for that game, and have it ready, just in case the opportunity presented itself to audition with the new company that's taking the license. So that's done. Nothing may come of it, but I will at least have tried.

And in other news, I actually did some of the sewing that I had set aside in my new project-oriented sewing system. Nothing big. But compared to the zero sum creativity of this year, it feels huge.

Am also back on track with some research for a short story I wrote last year that I want to expand into a YA novel.

So I think maybe I needed that day long crying jag.

*Looks into the future. Trudges towards it.*
lhskarka: (Novel)
Posting here, because hey, it's mostly private these days. I can't stop crying today.

Six years ago, my husband acquired a fantastic license to do a role-playing game based in a friend's award winning fictional world. A world that I LOVE. A writer that I really admire, both as an author and a person.

Because he had other projects that he was working on that needed his attention first, my husband asked me to do the research, and write up the world descriptions, i.e. the bulk of the game book. Character and race types, regional descriptions, various in-world organizations. He had a strong concept for it that played exactly to my strengths, involving historical research, in-world knowledge, and strong descriptive writing skills.

That's me. Those are my skills. Supposedly.

I did the reading, made my notes. Slowly. There was nothing to stop me to from writing it all up. But other projects got pushed back, and we weren't going to publish any time soon, so I let the actual writing stall out. I thought about it all the time, but I didn't do it. Except for an embarrassingly tiny amount of sample pages. For six years. Just yesterday, as I posted here about cleaning my office and getting my writing desk cleared up, the FIRST thing I had on my agenda to write was this game. I was feeling excited about it, looking forward to the new year, when I was sure we would finally publish. I was looking forward to finally feeling like I had contributed something to the business. Something well done. Something that would help us financially. Something I had actually, finally created.

Then this morning, as if the universe had felt me thinking about it and decided to squash me like a bug, I got a call from my husband. The author is taking his license back. Because we've had it for six years, and he knows another game designer who is ready to do a game right away. They were even willing to give credit, and pay, for anything I had already done.

Except. Nothing. Sample pages and a book of handwritten notes. That's it. For six years. And now I've lost my chance. It's gone, and I'm the one who wasted it.

I have never felt more like a creative fraud than I do today.
lhskarka: (Default)
I need to be better about taking pictures at cons. I have a cell phone with a camera, AND a digital camera, and yet...no photos.

This was my first time attending Origins, but my second time attending a con in Columbus in the last 12 months. Overall, I rather liked it as a convention. If I were looking to go strictly for fun, I'd probably even prefer it to GenCon. Origins seems like a large-size regional con, and strikes a nicely managable middle-ground between hotel cons which can be too small to keep me entertained, and GenCon which is now so huge as to be overwhelming. (You can't even really "do GenCon" anymore. It's simply too large for any one person to see everything, or get to do half the things you might be interested in.) From a vendor perspective however, I'm not certain that Origins is as neccessary as it used to be for exposure, unless you really want to cover the Ohio market.

Highlights include:

Spending time with the Brits who head up and write for Cubicle 7, as they are lovely people and we see them far less often than I'd like. Damned Atlantic ocean!

Being introduced to "Rastamouse". Totally not kidding. It's a British kids show featuring a crime fighting Rastafarian mouse and the Easy Crew. (In the interest of fair and balanced reporting, yes, there has been some controversy over racism over it.) I just think it's a damned cute show. Plans are in the works to make Jamaican meat pies and drink dark&stormys and Red Stripe while watching a Rastamouse marathon. "Makin' a Bad Ting Good!"

Coming home with a shiny new copy of "Die Profundis" 2nd edition.

Playing Battletech in the Icarus! Some Battle-techie used his internet-fu for logos and names, and came up with the art we used in our old Firefly campaign for one of their pods.
Share photos on twitter with Twitpic


Lowlights:

Not getting to play Mouseguard. All the sessions were sold out. Alas!

Spotting old-school wooden chess sets and vinyl roll-up boards at the Chessex booth, getting excited, and then forgetting to buy one! Ack!

The virus/ear-infection/whatever-it-is that I picked up on the plane on the way there. It's now a week later, I'm home, I'm on antibiotics, and my ears & throat STILL HURT. Boo.
lhskarka: (Default)
Sorting Win.
I knocked back the piles of stuff in the garage by a few feet and consolidated things like the four semi-filled boxes of books and media to get rid of (that have been floating around in various places) into just two that are now easily located and ready to go out the door.

Sorting Fail.
I opened up one of the boxes of stuffed toys from my parents house, fully intending to sort out just the few that were hand-made by my mother and other relatives and prepare to donate the rest. So I opened the box and looked inside. My under-brain took one look at the toys, said "Bunny!", and promptly had me close the box again. *facepalm*

Television Win.
The season finale of Mad Men. Yay Joan!

Television Fail.
Dexter. I'm tired of the unsympathetic wife, his sloppy mistakes, and the overall bad writing of this season. Boo.

In Other News:

We're going to see Leonard Cohen tonight!!! *bounce*

We're taking the dog to the vet tomorrow. She has been making doggie-"Ouch" noises every few days for the last couple of weeks. Yesterday, she was favoring her right hind leg, didn't want to stand up, and yelped in pain every time she moved. Today, she's fine. ???

And finally, I think this might be fun - KC Game Fair. Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] gamera_spinning for pointing it out.
lhskarka: (Default)
Because it's not enough to just watch TV - I need to pretend I'm interacting with it.

This season's games are:

Game #1
Endless American Idol

American Idol seems endless, and what better way is there to celebrate that fact then by picking contestants that remind me of Neil Gaiman's Endless and seeing how far each incarnation gets. Sort of like betting on the ponies, but gothier. Delirium was a strong early contender this year, but Delirium I didn't make it past Hollywood week, and Delirium II bought it this week, so I may have to shift focus over to Destruction or even Dream. (There's no good Death this season. Ah well.)

And...

Game #2
OMG,JIATM! (aka "Oh my God, Joss is a total misogynist!")
To be played with Dollhouse. Fairly straightforward drinking game. Or good for just yelling at the TV.

Example from last weeks episode: In a room full of ATF agents of apparently equal status, the FEMALE agent was the one assigned to hand out paperwork to her counterparts.

Say it with me now...

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